Aries Woman and Cancer Man Compatibility
She wanted to risk it, come what might, but that was not his way …
Like all females born under masculine Sun Signs, who are, in addition, ruled by a masculine planet (in this case, Mars), the Aries girl has private doubts about her femininity. Ever since dancing school, she’s been reluctant to let her partner take the lead.
Most of the fellows she’s waltzed around have panicked when they weren’t allowed to set the pace and the rhythm of the relationship, and the male machismo mystique being what it is, her feminine “macha” caused them all to stalk off to look for a girl willing to humor their fantasies of superiority. The girl Ram is far too honest to imitate her more submissive Sun Sign sisters by pretending to allow the man to initiate every word and action, while she smiles with amused tolerance behind his back. There’s a perfect example of that sort of well-meant but demeaning deception in Margaret Mitchell’s great American novel, Gone With The Wind, when the dying Melanie says, of Ashley, “Look after him, Scarlet – but never let him know.”
After a few heartbreaking experiences of discovering that honesty is not always the best policy when it comes to romance, an Aries female may understandably (and justifiably) begin to have some inner traumas as she wonders about her desirability as a woman. Then along comes a Cancerian man to court her (yes, I said court her) with a respectful, gallant courtesy, like a Prince straight out of a storybook. Not only that, he makes her laugh a lot, and laughter never fails to brighten a Ram’s disposition, making her sweeter to be around. From the very beginning, he makes it clear that she excites him and thrills him, no matter who walks through the door first, which one starts the conversation or who initiates a telephone call. At last! She can finally do and say what comes naturally around a man – and he still loves her. No wonder it’s an intoxicating experience for her. It may be the first time she’s ever felt like a member of the opposite sex.
When he convinces her she’s not the wicked old witch after all, that she’s really lovely, desirable Snow White (as she always suspected) it can be exhilarating – for a while. Assuming there’s a harmonious aspect of interchange between their Luminaries, Ascendents and other major horoscopic positions in their nativities, her daydreams have a good chance of coming true. Otherwise, Snow White could find herself living in the woods with only one of the Seven Dwarfs – Grumpy – and still waiting in vain for the Prince.
An Aries female will never be permanently at peace with herself until she discovers a man who will want her to love him freely and openly, without quibbling over who initiates the first goodnight kiss, and without pouting if she occasionally interrupts him with a sudden burst of cheerful, enthusiastic chatter. She needs a man who understands that if he’ll just allow her to be herself, she’ll give him all the adoring love he needs to feel strong and virile and masculine. Just murmuring “Whatever you say – or whatever you decide, dear” (with a hidden smirk) is romantic hypocrisy, a travesty of honest devotion. Her love is direct. It shrinks into restless frustration when it’s restricted by petty arguments over what constitutes the difference between masculinity and femininity. She loves him with all her heart and soul and mind and being – isn’t that enough? Yes. It should be – and it very well may be, for a boy Crab. But Rams have other areas of friction with Cancerians.
Both of them are intensely jealous. The chief difference is that Cancer enjoys it more than Aries. To the Crab, jealousy simply proves how much he’s loved and needed, and with this woman, he’ll get all of that kind of proof he needs – maybe a little more than he can handle. Jealousy can sometimes bring a sense of emotional security to the Ram too – just a light touch of it, now and then. But when it’s overdone to the point of smothering possessiveness, it can sharply cramp her life-style, which is friendly, free and gregarious – and the truth of it is that a Cancerian lover or mate may lay it on with a heavy hand, once the courting gallantry is over, and he’s sure she is his. Of course, it’s equally true that his Crab-like trait of hanging on, when it comes to love, is an indication of his inclination toward loyalty and faithfulness. She certainly has no objection to that. In her opinion, it’s the very least one should expect from true love. It’s when his loyal devotion subtly and gradually is transformed into clinging, which brings the feeling of being fenced in, that she’ll show flashes of resentful rebellion.
Each of these two Sun Signs is as fond of money, fame and recognition as the other. However, the Crab hides his ambition better. Although they share the same basic goals of emotional security and financial success, they have rather seriously conflicting ideas about how to achieve them – as well as what to do with money, when it’s there. (She wants to spend it, or give it away, to create a nice, smooth cash flow – he wants to save it to make it expand into a higher balance.) Even before either of them achieves any degree of material success, there will be disagreements. Aries is optimistic, positive, sure of winning. Cancer is often pessimistic, negative and fearful of the future (Crabs call it sensible caution) – and this is where these two may need an interpreter to communicate.
It’s impossible for the Ram to comprehend how the Crab hopes to win, at the same time he’s expecting to lose. To Aries, this puzzling Cancerian attitude was expressed perfectly by physician-philosopher Jean-Baptiste Baudin, when he wrote: “To be ambitious for wealth, and yet always expecting to be poor; to be always doubting your ability to get what you long for, is like trying to reach East by traveling West. There is no philosophy which will help a man succeed when he’s always doubting his ability to do so, and thus attracting failure.” Granted, there are more July birthdays in Who’s Who in Industry and Commerce than any others (except Taurus and Capricorn), but that’s because the Cancerian has going for him a more than adequate substitute for courageous Aries optimism – a hard-shell tenacity of purpose.
There’s not much use trying to explain this to an Aries female. She’s familiar with a term like “determination,” but she doesn’t understand the word “tenacity,” because it diametrically opposes her most evident quality – impatience. Tenacity implies waiting, and this woman loathes to wait for anything, from a bus or a red light to the arrival of her current lover at the door when they have a date – or her husband’s arrival home from work, if she’s a married Ram. Let him be five minutes late, and she either phones the sheriff in impulsive panic, or paces the floor, working up sufficient steam to leap on him with reproaches when he does arrive. Her Cancerian lover or mate’s general attitude toward ambition and success, with or without the tenacity, utterly confuses her. She believes in simple things, that people should face the direction in which they wish to travel, and she faces the East. How can he ever expect to arrive in New York when he’s headed toward California? All right, so the world is round, and he may eventually get there, but it takes so much time that way.
There are several possible outcomes for the dilemma. She can become desolate in the face of his moody spells of depression, and finally decide she must escape, to avoid the fate of seeing every last one of her fiery aspirations submerged in his watery Cancerian pessimism. Or she can try to cheer him out of his periodic melancholy with her own strong Mars faith, by boosting his spirits with courage and humor – like reminding him of the old proverb that every time a sheep bleats, it loses a mouthful of hay. He can throw up his hands in defeat at her impulsive emotions and financial extravagance, take off alone with his stamp collection and his old fishing hat – or he can gently, patiently teach her that caution does sometimes make sense, and that counting to ten has the benefit of never adding up to a total of zero.
Another trouble spot could be this man’s tendency to keep secrets. The Aries woman is not so closely molded in the image of the Sphinx as he. When the Crab refuses to tell her what’s on his mind, she may imagine all sorts of farout things, and torture herself into a fit of Mars hysteria. He’ll soon learn (let’s hope) that it’s more peaceful in the long run to come completely clean with her. To level. If he clams up, she’ll just pry until she sees it’s no use, then decide the whole thing isn’t worth the energy and heartache – and possibly leave him. Suddenly. With little or no warning. Remember, Aries will waste no time on a situation that’s been analyzed as impossible to change. It could end with the Crab still sitting on his secrets, while she skips off chanting Edna St. Vincent Millay’s lines: “Thanks be to God, the world is wide, and I am going far from home – and I’ll forget in Camelot the man I loved in Rome.” He will weep.
Then, too, there’s Mama. If his mother is still living, the girl Ram who loves a boy Crab may have some stiff competition for his devotion and attention, perhaps not when they first meet – but she won’t avoid it forever. If his sainted mother has passed on, Mama’s qualities could take on added luster, seen through the sparkling glass of memory. Did his mother never scorch a shirt, bake flat biscuits, sing off key, waste money or lose her temper? No. Never. Not one single time. Did his mother always save cash, look prettier by sewing her own clothes, string her own beans, wear just the right amount of makeup and know exactly what to say to make him smile when he was blue? Yes. She did. Always. In a strange way, it might work to their benefit, the Mama thing. A glowing example like that is surely a challenge, and this girl can’t resist struggling to meet a challenge. She may become nearly as perfect as he thinks his mother is – or was – just to prove to him that no one can top a Ram.
In their sexual life, adjustments will also be necessary. When love is new, his tender consideration for her desires and needs will make her feel cherished, therefore emotionally secure. (Both of them have this incredible hang-up about needing emotional security.) He’ll be, in the beginning, a fabulous lover. A Cancerian can be as imaginative, subtle and clever in the bedroom as he is at the bank. Her frankness and lack of guile concerning sex, a sort of unconscious vulnerability in her, will stir him deeply. Regardless of past experiences, an Aries girl always brings a kind of fresh innocence to her approach to lovemaking – in addition, when she loves, she loves fiercely and passionately, truly giving all of herself in total honesty, and this will make him feel emotionally secure. But she may be unable to remember the thrill of their original physical compatibility when he’s been cranky and moody for a few days and refuses to respond to her affectionate advances. What appears to be (but isn’t) his rejection of her can considerably dampen her erotic enthusiasm. It’s the Moon. She’ll just have to wait until the Moon changes, and stops pulling his emotions back and forth like a piece of taffy. What she should not do during these temporary Lunar phases that threaten to eclipse their happiness is become angry, and say things to wound him she’ll later regret. He’ll crawl into his Crab shell and stay there, for this man is acutely sensitive. However much he may joke about it, he is – and sexual hurt will cause him to retreat into brooding passivity for long periods. Or worse yet, he could seek the solace of alcohol’s seductive siren song.
On the happy side of this relationship, a Crab can be very amusing and entertaining, and can make anything from counting money to digging clams wacky fun, with loads of laughs. His beautiful sensitivity and his gentlemanly air of protectiveness can bring out all the femininity in his Aries lady. He’ll secretly be proud of her courageous mind and bright spirit, no matter how he grumbles about her immaturity, and he’ll grow to depend on her for the emotional support he needs when the Moon sends fragments of old fears from childhood to haunt him. On the negative side, she may believe he’s too stern at times, too fussy or stingy, while he may feel she’s not capable of taking care of herself without a keeper. He could now and then drown his disappointments in drink or drugs, always a very real danger with a Water Sign – and she could now and then lose her quick fiery temper in such a way that it takes a long time to atone for the pain it caused.
This is a man who’s not ashamed of sentiment; he’s affected by music, art and poetry, and when his heart is moved, tears come to his eyes – and this is a woman whose own heart needs a great deal of tender, loving care, for she is, emotionally, an infant, whatever her chronological age. If they crossbreed her Aries initiative with his Cancer tenacity, they might achieve wonders. Their natal Suns are squared, and so it will require lots of patience – and lots of love. But then, doesn’t everything?